winter

winter is a time of many things.
winter is the time of food and warm things to keep us happy.
winter has classically been a time of struggle and discontent, but with everybody being held together with love and Christmas spirit or some shit like that. I just like the snow. It silently engulfs everything. its not intrusive, but it just politely forces the world into stillness.

It's Wednesday. next Wednesday is the third of December. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'll have time to think about it over break. I'm feeling better about going to California for Christmas. then I'll have time away from life. I'll still be with a friend so I can talk about things, so it's better than a family trip in that way. But I won't really have to deal with balancing things, and different people and stuff. I maybe can just stop for a bit.
I dunno.

someday...maybe...or not.

Happiness.
the little looks
and feelings
and
small gestures
that make you feel
good.
Some people
are ambitious.
thinking,
if I
can reach this
through
my thoughts,
my words,
my doings,
I can reach better
through
more thoughts,
more words,
and
more doings.

But some
they are
not
ambitious.
they feel,
that because they are
happy
where they are,
they'd better
stay safe
and
leave well enough
alone.

but,
the problem,
is that
often,
the not
highly ambitious
person
is also more
in tune
to other people
and their
happiness.

so,
what to do,
when taking that step
for another
that will also
bring you self satisfaction
requires you
to risk your bliss
and allow
for a little more
ambition?

Well of course
take the step
nothing's easy
and if you don't
then
what kind of a person
are you?

and some
they take that step
reach the land of victory.
where you feel like you are
the best
fucking person
on the planet.

and some
they try to take the step.
but somehow,
for some reason
they trip
and crash their happiness
and
without something to keep them up
they have nowhere to go.
thats the end
for some.


or maybe just me.

"love can mend your life but love can break your heart"
-sting and the police

Sex? Some Believe...

Some believe......

Some believe that you must be comfortable talking about something before you are ready to do it.
but...
what if you are telepathic?
or psychic?
what if you know something,
but you don't remember how you both came to that place, but you know that you both know that you both know that there is something you both want to do?
but no, you would never dream of talking about it.
you'd feel
uncomfortable.
well, solves that problem.

some believe...
you should wait till marriage to have a sexual life.
thats bullshit. im not even gonna talk about it. never mind.

im bored.
ill talk about soup or something.
I just read Despereaux.
I was like, the book for my soul or something.
It was about soup, light, music, love, and a spool of thread.
it was so sweet.
I found it in the room of the children I was babysitting, and took it downstairs and read the whole thing while they were sleeping. I finished right before it was time to leave, and I was just really happy, and I decided it was my soul book while I was walking home.

Jesus fucking Christ I want soup.

Thoughts = words? What? No way.

Fuck it
I'm not eloquent.
eloquent is not me
to put in words my wondrous thoughts
is too hard for me to imagine.
well,
I can imagine all I want
but
actually doing it
a different story.

So,
I fail
once again
this time
as a writer.

I Guess I'm Just Remembering.

I feel like December.
and bread
late night hunger
and talking
till 3.

I feel like innocence
uncertainty
love?
certainly infatuation.

I feel like December
boxer shorts
friends
internet connections
were we really that young?

I feel like innocence
music
and feelings.

I guess I'm just remembering