The hidden musings of me
I have a song stuck in my head. its really catchy. mostly cuz its just a bunch of lalala's so, its easy to remember.
I'm going to california tomorrow morning. were supposed to leave at 3:15 am. but we're just not going to sleep. w/e. never mind i'll write something later. im not good at journal entries.
I was think last night, that if women weren't needed for the population of this earth, we would've died out ages ago. you know how those 'survival of the fittest' things go. If you really get down to the basics, men are just built more for raw surviving. in most cases they're bigger, more naturally muscular, and they can piss standing up. i mean, a girl's gotta take off her clothes and find a friggin' place where shes not gonna pee on her feet or something.
I dunno. I was half asleep when I thought of this, so I can't remember what else I thought of to prove my point,so now its sounding silly. but believe me, my point is true. I just have to think about it more.
in her hair
the scent of incense
like all the hippies
churning.
The smell,
as if woven
into her clothes
was that
of woodsmoke
burning.
a ring
that was spun
of silver bright
was mounted upon her thumb.
and on her lips
was honey
mixed with burgundy rum.
winter is a time of many things.
winter is the time of food and warm things to keep us happy.
winter has classically been a time of struggle and discontent, but with everybody being held together with love and Christmas spirit or some shit like that. I just like the snow. It silently engulfs everything. its not intrusive, but it just politely forces the world into stillness.
It's Wednesday. next Wednesday is the third of December. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'll have time to think about it over break. I'm feeling better about going to California for Christmas. then I'll have time away from life. I'll still be with a friend so I can talk about things, so it's better than a family trip in that way. But I won't really have to deal with balancing things, and different people and stuff. I maybe can just stop for a bit.
I dunno.
Some believe......
Some believe that you must be comfortable talking about something before you are ready to do it.
but...
what if you are telepathic?
or psychic?
what if you know something,
but you don't remember how you both came to that place, but you know that you both know that you both know that there is something you both want to do?
but no, you would never dream of talking about it.
you'd feel
uncomfortable.
well, solves that problem.
some believe...
you should wait till marriage to have a sexual life.
thats bullshit. im not even gonna talk about it. never mind.
im bored.
ill talk about soup or something.
I just read Despereaux.
I was like, the book for my soul or something.
It was about soup, light, music, love, and a spool of thread.
it was so sweet.
I found it in the room of the children I was babysitting, and took it downstairs and read the whole thing while they were sleeping. I finished right before it was time to leave, and I was just really happy, and I decided it was my soul book while I was walking home.
Jesus fucking Christ I want soup.
Fuck it
I'm not eloquent.
eloquent is not me
to put in words my wondrous thoughts
is too hard for me to imagine.
well,
I can imagine all I want
but
actually doing it
a different story.
So,
I fail
once again
this time
as a writer.
I feel like December.
and bread
late night hunger
and talking
till 3.
I feel like innocence
uncertainty
love?
certainly infatuation.
I feel like December
boxer shorts
friends
internet connections
were we really that young?
I feel like innocence
music
and feelings.
I guess I'm just remembering
tis funny. love is. there are so many ways that so many different people express it, and that makes sense, because it seems there are only a handful of words to express what really is millions of different feelings for different people and different times and different loves. I mean, there is friend love, and lover love, and family love, and food love, and pet love, and inside each of those categories, there are millions of other categories. but its all so specific, and there are so many different meanings, i guess its nice that it all just falls under "love".
martha my dear
though I spend my days in conversation
please
remember me
martha my love
don't forget me
martha my dear
hold your head up you silly girl
look what you've done
when you
find yourself inthe thick of it
help yourself to a bit of
what is all around you
silly girl
take a good look around you
take a good look you're bound to see
that you and me
were meant to be
for each other
silly girl.
soupsoup. I've been listening to the who a lot today. I've also been feeling very.. i dont remmeber now. i want soup and fish. i think the latter is more likely for didndins tonite. but all is well. im gonna try and post again in a while. my thoughts are not flowing as they should be. maybe dinner will flush out the writers block.
a song in my head
A winters day
In a deep and dark december;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Ive built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Dont talk of love,
But Ive heard the words before;
Its sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
input please. but mind you, this is the non- edited version of some words that came to me as I was falling asleep last night.
Tiptoe around
the dark pool
between us
waiting
for one
to slip
fall in
and with a splash
drown in the dark
But all hope's
not lost
slide in
no splash
we'll float
on the treacheries
of conversation.
I'm listening to Superfriend right now. I feel kinda lonely, but loved. I should Be quoting Exploration of Space by Cosmic Gate, because that's what I'm thinking about, but I needed something soothing. I've been thoughtful today, but not in a sad way. not in like, a wow, amazingly kickass things happened either. yes, I had an interesting day, and interesting in a pretty good way too, but it was just interesting. something to think about. Sometimes Its just best that way. I had soup yesterday. in fact it wasn't really soup, it was chowder, but it was tasty. I don't know what kind of chowder, it was just chowder. but chowder is a kind of soup, so I am satisfied. Soup soup soup... I love soup. Its so comforting. SEXUAL EXPLORATION! I believe it is necessary. otherwise we would all turn into vegetables. Then we'd be tasty. And that's not good. Its led by instinct anyway, so there's not much we can do about it. FACE. Ting Tings- Thats not my name. I like thursdays. I make pictures. And do something else. I can't remember.I love my friends. They are my sunshine. My only sunshine. They make me happy, when skys are gray. They'll never know, dear, how much I love them, so please don't take my sunshine away.
you know whats uplifting? Techno. Swedish techno. If your dying in a pit of despair, it will lift you up. all you need to do is listen, and be uplifted. totally hardcore. It is the essence of how life should be.
I can walk on water, I can fly
La La la lala la la la la la la la la lalal la la la la la la
I will never be afraid again
I will keep on fighting till the end
I can walk on water i can fly
I will keep on fighting till i die
I will never be afraid again
I will keep on fighting till the end
I can walk on water I can fly
I will keep on fighting till i die
La La la lala la la la la la la la la lalal la la la la la la
******************************************************
Vi Sitter I Ventrilo Och Spelar Dota
Vi sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA. (I hear you man.)
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA. (I feel you man.)
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o pushar på o smeker med moståndet vi leker.
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o springer runt o creepar o motståndet vi sleepar.
(Lets get it on)
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o pushar på o smeker med moståndet vi leker.
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o springer runt o creepar o motståndet vi sleepar.
(whats happening) (D-D-D-D-D-D-DOTA).
**
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA. (I hear you man.)
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA. (I feel you man.)
**
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o pushar på o smeker med moståndet vi leker,
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o springer runt o creepar o motståndet vi sleepar.
(Lets get it on)
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o pushar på o smeker med moståndet vi leker,
Vi Sitter här i venten o spelar lite DotA o springer runt o creepar o motståndet vi sleepar.
(whats happening) (D-D-D-D-D-D-DOTA)
outside the world is filled with plums. red plums and purple plums. pears and pecans and apple pies.rotting green walnuts. bonfires.dead volkswagons. pankakes. childrens stories. happy cooking. old computers. a happy dog. silence. plywood floors. hanging garlic. i like it here.
i speak in stumbling words of pathetic wistfull poetry, being inspired by friends artisticness, my bleary tiredness, reading a novel written entirely in poems, and the best song evr sing through my head.
i love touch.
i love warm.
i love holding.
i love thoughts.
i love words.
i love the half whispering
really low
blissfully tired
voice that
tells me im loved.
i love striped underwear.
i love songs.
i love hands.
i love jeans
i love searching
through pockets
on guy pants,
to see
what i left there
the last time I wore them.
i love faces
i love expressions
i love to know what someone is thinking before they speak.
i love strawberries.
I love handstands.
i love lists.
I tried to do handstands for you
I tried to do headstands for you
Sleep is a very controversial part of my life. i love to sleep. It feels so nice just to be comfortable and warm, and not feel guilty to let your mind wander. I also hate sleep, when I sleep to much and miss my life. Ive noticed that I actually sleep better when theres another person in the room. I guess it just makes me feel zen. I'm really tired, as it may be aparent. but yeah, sleeping is nice. some the most exciting points in my life were when i was asleep. i went to russia and disguised my friend as a princess, and then highjacked a fishing boat, and then escaped into the sunset. it was fun. but yeah. to the subject of soup.
Since this is just my musings, I dont feel bad about suddenly changing the subject. soup is life. i love soup with the fibers of my being. soup is my soul. im tryng to love something right now, and it is soup. i think i should go to sleep now, but i really want to write something awesome about soup in the near future.
saw Sweeney Todd yesterday. I'm not quite sure how to spell that. it was awesome tho. i wish i had seen it in the theaters. I'm gonna have to see it again though, cause I happened to miss a couple parts. this is kind of a boring post, but I'm trying to stay consistent with my blog and I've been failing. so i last wrote in august I think. well then since then not a lot has happened, save for going to Laura's house with Yarra and spray painting our jeans in neon colors, wich was really fun. also, Stasi came home from michagain, I bought converse, went back to school, and got super sexy thigh high socks. but its been too hot to wear them. I had a good day today. I have a really weird combination of dumbo songs and sweeney todd songs stuck in my head. It sounds very strange. wow. I guess when I'm just calmly happy there's nothing to say. I have to be worried or depressed or pissed off or simply bursting with happiness to have a worthfull blog. i guess I'll write something when ive got a more substantial emotion going on.
a derby is a hat.
a derby is something where women knock each other over on roller skates
a derby is a horse race
a derby is something you have to go to with ur dad to watch cars blow up.
funfunfunfunfunfun........
My inspiration has left me. *poof* It feels refreshing to be writing again, though, after the long summer months of no writing whatsoever. after all, the was no homework, and therefor, no reason to write. I missed writing, I've realized. oh, how interesting it is that you don't realize how much you've missed something until it comes back to you.
I wonder, how does it go when you have missed something, so much that the thought of them consumes your mind, and all that you want is to see them again, but what happens when they come back? is it like the stupid movies and books where one person misses another person a lot, but when the are reunited, they find that they no longer love them; that it simply faded away, but the thought of seeing them hid the fact that they did not feel the same way? or will it be like other stupid stories, where being apart has only increased their love? or, (as I truly do hope) will everything just be the same, and go back to normal, and school will start, such a time apart will never happen again?
I do not like to appear that I care so much, for fear that I will seem a hopeless romantic, that I could not live without my love. I want to show that in fact I am independent and love my friends as much as, if not more, than any other people I am close to. if you are reading this, you are lucky, I guess, because this is the type of thing that I write because it is what my fingertips lead me to; a very spontaneous occurrence, that usually turns out more dramatic than I mean it to, so I usually get rid of it. but this is supposed to be the hidden musings of me, I guess to make up for all of the words that I've destroyed. So I'll post this as a very strange first post, and cut my ramblings short........here.
kk, heres a survey found on some random persons blog. i thought it was cool:
001. When's the last time you ran?
yesterday
002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
some do
003. What are you dreading right now?
cleaning my house tomorrow
004. Do you celebrate 4/20?
no
005. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
...hmmmm.......oh yeah! a female condom, and my mom freaked out when i asked what it was.
006. Favorite ice cream?
moosetracks
007. When was your last doctor's visit?
umm.... idk. never had my seventh grade physical, that was the last "mandatory" one.
008. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
yeah, usualy
009. Which shoe do you put on first?
right
010. "First Loves Are Never Over;" is this true for you?
idk. i'm still on my first.
011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
no.
012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would they find you wearing?
it depends... today i did something radical and got dressed. i usually just wear whatever clothes I find on the floor thrown over my underwear/sleeping garments (i have a brother living with me)
013. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for?
lol. making comfort cookies and eating them all.
014. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
no we dont have one
015. Do you own a pair of Converse?
yes, one very sad pair of red plaid ones, ( i need new shoes)
016. Who did you copy and paste this survey from?
don't remember their name.
017. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
shit yes
018. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
yes
019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
idk, I listen to my mom's music, which is either swing (ok) or light rock *shudder*
020. Have you ever been tied up?
yesterday. jump rope. my brother.
021. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
no
022. How do you eat oreos?
sitting on the floor of my brother's bedroom, talking about southpark
023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
yes, i think so
024. Are you cocky?
sometimes.
025. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
no
026. What body part do you wash first?
hair
027. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?
no?
028. Do you have an innie or an outtie?
innie.
029. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
i havnt had them in so long, idr the flavors
030. Could you live without a computer?
i could manage.
031. do you wear shoes in the house?
I dont even wear shoes outside the house
032. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
no. sadly im not a gay man.
033. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
idr. I was little. my brother told me
034. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
1 working phone, 2 cells
035. What do you do when you're sad?
many things. it depends on the situation. I cry really easily tho. overactive tear ducts.
036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
mmmmm, lora. cause she would prolly b having a conversation with yarra, so i'd catch them both at once.
037. Last time you saw your best friend[s]?
wednessday
038. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Twelve.
039. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
it depends on the day, but usualy my thoughts wander like a million miles b4 i actually loose conscience, idk who the last person is
040. Who or what sleeps with you?
depends on the night. chloe, laura, percy, yarra, stasi, emma, michael, or sophie
041. Are you/have you ever been in love?
I am
042. Pancakes or french toast?
fench toast. I dont normally like pankakes a lot
043. How do you like your eggs?
**CHEESE**
044. Are you in high school?
no
045. Is anyone on your bad side right now?
rednecks and oil junkies
046. What jewelry are you wearing?
copper wrist band with aztec geometric designs etched in, woven wire bracelet with black rock in the middle, silver swirly type ring, hemp anklet I've been wearing since like march, little red ring on a dog tag chain, and my little green stone turtle necklace
047. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
gmail
048. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?
i thik so...
049. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
no
050. How do most people spell your name?
leah
051. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
yeah, currently holding a shirt hostage while contemplating how to get mine back.
051. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?
towel i guell, cuz i dont need it as much
052. What was your childhood nickname?
lulubell, Ax,
053. when was the last time you played air guitar?
couple days ago in the car while dad was trying 2 talk 2 me
054. Where do you work?
my neighbors house
055. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?
we dont have locker rooms. ive been in the guys bathroom b4 tho. smells like piss. unlike our bathroom
056. What are you doing tomorrow?
cleaning
057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
not even close
058. Favorite name for a girl?
... dammit i just thought of one. 4got tho. AHA! Roxanne. i like names that start with R
059. Favorite name for a boy?
Jude and Ian
060. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
yes, if their name sux
061. Your favorite restaurant you don't get to eat much at?
ithaca bakery?
062. When is the last time you left your house?
this morning getting the mail
063. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
wen i was little.
064. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?
no
065. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
scrunch
066. How do you eat your steak?
mm, dont really eat red meat that much....
067. Do you return your cart?
yeah....
068. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?
depends on what underwear im wearing and/or who i'm hanging out with
069. Do you have a dishwasher?
yes
070. What noise do you hear?
marvin gaye (regrettably)
071. Would you survive in prison?
yeah
072. Next concert you hope to go to?
dunno
073. What was the last thing you ate?
pizza bagel
074. When was the last time you said I love you and meant it?
getting off the phone with stasi
075. Do you have any strange phobias?
....cant think of any at the moment
076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to over pack?
yarra or laura
077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
no
078. How many shoes do you own?
5
079. Have you ever been cow-tipping seal-clubbing or snipe-hunting?
nope.
080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter?
july... in new jersey..
081. What service is your cell phone?
dont fucking have one
082. What's for dinner?
something from napoli
083. What's the last thing you purchased?
underwear
084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
if im realllllyyyy lucky. my brother bought me popcorn a couple months ago
085. Where is your cell phone?
purgatory
086. Is your phone on vibrate or ring?
it hasnt even gotten to have that kind of luxury.
087. What brand are your pants right now?
aero? theyre my brothers old cuttoffs
088. Ever been to Georgia?
no
089. Did you eat breakfast this morning?
no
090. Do you like marshmallows?
it depends
091. What irritates you most on the internet?
idk
092. What brand is your digital camera?
idk
093. Do you watch movies with your parents?
sometimes with my mom
094. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
yeah
095. Have you ever played naked Twister?
lol. no
096. What song best describes your life right now?
I want you- the beatles
097. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?
ah donna lika da scents
098. Are you taking college classes right now?
no
099. Have you ever cut off a limb?
i got 10 fingers 10 toes, 2 arms and 2 legs. i never had any more than that.... as far as I remmeber
100. Will the world end in fire or ice?
ice or global warming. not actuall flames tho
101. Do you like sushi?
no
102. Do you get your hair cut every month?
no
103. Do you go online everyday?
not in the summer
