Take your time

I know
that it seems
sometimes
like I just like
to reject you for fun,
like I never
really want
to hear your
desires.
but I am realizing
that I am still
very young.
so, so young.
I have
my whole life
ahead of me.
and right now,
I should be happy.
right now,
I'm sure you can deal
with the things we have.
if we get them all now,
wheres the fun of discovering new things?
think
of how much better
it can be
if you wait
'till my maturity
catches up with me.

Currently, and not so currently

So, as you probably know, I'm sick today. The flu, unfortunately, which is rather disturbing, seeing as I got the flu shot earlier this year. Stupid doctors. All I can stomach is tea, water, and toast. Anyway, I've been spending my time looking through my old documents, And found that I've written some pretty awesome ones in Mike Levy's journalism class. I think I'll have to take another of his classes sometime, because he seems to generate good writing from me. Also, I found a few little things that I think I wrote last year:

All I know
is that I don't know
what to do,
or what to say.
All I can do
is to ask you
just to help me
get through today.
If I don't ask for help,
I can never get through
the walls that enclose
my imagination.
Trapped in my head
with thoughts
and feelings.
I can't run away.

And this one, I'm not sure if I wrote it to myself, or to somebody else.

Cheer Up
It's the end of school.
We've got a fun summer
for once.
You've got lots of friends,
And a sweet boyfriend,
Laura is over Gaelen.
I won't be lonely for the rest of my days
Gaelen is actually happy.
Strawberry ice cream tastes good.

well, I'm pretty sure I didn't write it for Laura, Gaelen, or any guy. But who???

Tap.Tap.Tap.

trying to pour
bitter
sarcastic
confused
defeated thoughts
into brief.
punctuations.

a look at my predicamnet

my life is reduced
to blended fruits
in a place
that is forgotten
by the gods
of movement,
money,
and music.

Currently......

I
am in a good mood. for it is spring!!! do I give a shit that its muddy and coldish and rainy? of course not! thats just how it is, and I don't mind. I went to my neighbors house yesterday, and I realized how awesome they are. they're a redheaded couple in their 30's, and the husband is in a couple of local bands. they moved here from somewhere down south, and they have two little girls. its awesome when they invite us over cuz they usually have some of their other cool, laid back musician friends over as well, and we listen to music and dance, and usually someone videotapes it. yesterday, we had sundaes. at the mention of me possibly learning to play guitar, Mr. Cook brings out a spanish guitar with a missing string. "happy birthday," he says, and hands me a beutiful old guitar. wow. I just got a free guitar. but anyway, this post isn't what I hoped it would be, it turned out kinda boring. I shall try to write more eloquently something better later.

I know a boy....

He lives in odd colors
swirling rotations
of emotion.
ribbons of light
glide off his lips,
as he speaks
the absence
of what he is saying.
shining drops
on my knees
as his eyes speak
of what he is feeling.
I still
have no idea.

Late at night, my thoughts turn to ugly analyzations.

I
cannot
express
love.
I
cannot
understand
the
communications
some
people
share.
I
can
only
assume.
I
will
not
express
myself
to
you.
I
do
not
believe
in
myself.
I
am
a
hypocrite.
I
am
sorry.
I
know
I
will
not
change.

I don't understand you.

why can't you accept yourself? Why can't you at least recognize that you have worth?

yet you are exceedingly arrogant.

you hate the things you love to do?

you are overly emotional.

you are distantly vague.

you hate compliments. they make you feel bad.

maybe if you didn't devalue yourself so much, others would value you even more than they already do. (they do)

and somewhere in there, you manage to be an awesome person?

everybody has faults, and attributes,

but you just don't make sense.